The Empty Chair: Managing Grief During the Holidays

A picture of a table set for Thanksgiving and the words "The Empty Chair - Honoring Your Loved Ones at Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving often brings families together around tables filled with food, stories, and laughter. But when someone we love is missing, that same table can feel achingly incomplete. The empty chair — once filled by a familiar face — becomes a powerful reminder of what was and what will always matter.

This year, rather than turning away from that space or trying to disguise it, consider letting it hold meaning. The empty chair can become a quiet symbol of love that endures. When planning for your Thanksgiving holiday, which will be here before we know it, here are some suggestions to help you through. 

A Space for Memory
 Consider setting a place for your missing loved one, not to dwell in sadness, but to acknowledge their continuing presence in your heart. A photograph or a candle can serve as a simple tribute. As family and friends gather, invite memories to be shared. In speaking their name and remembering their life, the emptiness becomes connection. You can let people know ahead of time so they can prepare, which may add comfort when the time comes to honor your loved one.

Take Your Time
 Thanksgiving celebrates abundance — full plates, full hearts, full houses. But grief often asks for stillness. Allow yourself moments of quiet amid the bustle. Step outside for fresh air, to close your eyes for a silent thoughts or to simply breathe. Gratitude and sorrow can coexist; both are reflections of love. 

A New Kind of Thanks
 Your gratitude this year may look different. It may rest not in perfection, but in presence — in those who sit beside you and the memories that linger. Grief changes the way we give thanks, but it doesn’t erase our capacity for it. It softens it and teaches us that gratitude can live alongside loss.

So as you gather this Thanksgiving, let the empty chair stand not for what is gone, but for what endures: all of the love, memories, and grace that never leaves the table.

At Hilgenfeld Mortuary, we understand that holidays can bring both comfort and pain. We hope you find gentle ways to honor those you love and to hold space for gratitude, even in grief. Throughout the holiday season, we will continue with our blog series providing ways to help those who are grieving get through with help from their families and friends.