How to Find What Remains When Someone You Love is Gone

The holidays have a way of illuminating what—and who—is missing. Traditions feel different, familiar songs suddenly ache, and even joyful gatherings can carry an undercurrent of longing. In the quiet moments, it’s easy for our attention to settle on what has been lost.

But grief has another companion we don’t always notice: love. And love doesn’t leave when a person does.

It lingers in small, unexpected ways. A scent that drifts through a room. A song on the radio that makes you smile before it makes you tear up. A phrase, a gesture, or a habit you catch yourself repeating without realizing—something they handed down. These moments are not reminders of absence, but evidence of presence. They show us that the people we love continue to shape our lives long after they’re gone.

This season, instead of focusing on what has changed, consider gently turning toward what remains. Notice the ways your loved one still moves through the world with you. Maybe it’s the way you fold napkins for a holiday meal because they taught you. Maybe it’s their favorite ornament hanging on the tree. Maybe it’s the recipe you’ve made so many times you no longer need the card.

Try choosing one living expression of your loved one—something that still breathes their memory—and tend to it. You might light a candle, cook a dish they loved, share a story, or simply pause to acknowledge the piece of them that stays with you.  Grief will always be part of the journey. But so is the love that outlives loss.

At Hilgenfeld Mortuary, we walk with families through every season of remembrance. If you are finding this holiday especially difficult, know that you’re not alone—and that the love you carry is still here, quietly lighting the way forward.